How to talk to your Teenager

Talking to a teenager can be challenging for family members. The teenage years are fuelled with emotions, which can often result in a yelling match, shortly followed by a bedroom door being slammed. It's important to learn how to communicate effectively with your teenager in order to foster strong connections and healthier interactions. 1. Validate (and understand) their emotions There might be times you truly do not understand or agree with how your teenager is feeling, but it's important that you learn to recognise and validate these feelings. If you try and tell them how to feel, or that they shouldn't feel that way, they are likely to get defensive, shut down or not share with you in the future. Acknowledging emotions, rather than dismissing, minimising or trivialising them, creates a safe space for teens to express themselves. 2. Be open and honest

The foundation of any great relationship is often underpinned by open and honest communication. Actively listening to a teen, without judgement or interruption, shows your openness to what they have to say. Asking questions is also helpful, but try open-ended ones to avoid it feeling like an interrogation. Avoid 'why' questions as these can come across as judgemental: eg. "why did you do that?". Try and replace the 'why's' with 'how's': eg. "how did you feel about that". By asking honest questions, and being open to the response, you will create an environment that allows your teen to confide in you without fear of judgement or rejection.

3. Learn to recognise patterns or triggers Some common patterns that impact healthy communication are teens feeling judged or emotionally vulnerable. As a result, teens might lash out, retreat or disconnect. This can sometimes end in a lot of emotional back-and-forthing: eg. teen retreats and a parent reacts emotionally. This is usually a sign of emotional dysregulation and in this moment it is important to allow time to calm down before revisiting the conversation. By understanding these patterns/triggers, responses can be devised with greater awareness and control, thus promoting a positive environment. 4. Be encouraging of independence It is well known that teenagers typically seek independence as their identities and maturity develops. This can be tricky for parents, in terms of loosening the reins and allowing their teenager more autonomy. It is important to allow autonomy, whilst still providing guidance and support. Allowing a young person to make their own age-appropriate decisions will promote a healthy parent-teen relationship, whilst fostering their independence, confidence and resilience.